(Note: This review is now depreciated, and is only available as a historical note. No idea what it’s like now.)

Bollywood Indian Restaurant, Mojacar

It was a mild yet blustery February evening when I met up with my brother and his girlfriend for a meal. Deciding that I´d had far too much red meat this week (two visits to Loma Blanca in a week!) we went for an Indian.

We were already on Mojacar Playa, so decided to try out Bollywood Indian Restaurant, three quarters of the way along Mojacar Playa, in Urb. Guardia Viaja (opposited Lua restaurant on the second floor). We were advised against it, but in the arrogance of youth went anyway.

An attractive entrance leads into a rather sparse bar and smoking area (could do with a few bar stools with a bar counter that large). While the main restaurant is non smoking (hurrah!), the bar is smoking and has a few tables in there for the poor fools who still insist upon flouting the smoking ban.

The uniform of the waiters is somewhat ambiguous, and seems to consist of white tracksuits. Still, in general they seem to be happy chappies, and were unfailing polite. Didn´t seem to speak too much English or Spanish, which was a drawback when the conversation meandered away from the menu.

Down we sat, on chairs that weren´t as comfy as they looked, and poured over the menu. It all seems to be the standard stuff you find in Indian restaurants.

Now, we ordered a selection of starters, to share: Onion Bhajee, Vegetable Pakoras, Meat Samosa, Chicken wings, Chicken Tikka. What we got were 2 onion Bhajee, Vegetable Samosa, chicken wings and Chicken Tikka. The Bhajee and Samosas were soggy and seemed to be reheated. The chicken was all bland and tasteless. Not a wonderful start. The waiter chappie smiled with happy incomprehension when I pointed out he´d brought the wrong things.

I continued with a Chicken Korma (meant to order a muglai but got confused when the pressure was on). V. ordered a Chicken Tikka, and I forget what the little brother ordered, but no doubt it was spicy.

While awaiting the main courses, a very drunk, or very moronic (or both) teenager who was eating with his girlfriend staggered across with a small bowl of something that proved to be the hottest sauce that the l.b. had ever tried. ´Coz I don´t, like, you know, eat stuff that some Paki made hot coz, like, me tongue can´t take it, like´ was the slurred explanation he gave us for annoying us. ´Like, it´s coz them are used to eating stuff that´s like hot, right? But we ain´t, right? Coz of like, baked beans n stuff, right?´[sic]. Etc. He took it away with him, promising to give his mother a fright by mixing it in with her afternoon tea, and showing off a large hole in the seat of his rather dirty trousers.

Once the l.b. had soothed his tongue with some cucumber sauce, the main courses arrived. Much the same as the starters, some of the most insipid chicken I´ve ever tasted, covered by sauce. Actually, the sauce wasn´t too bad, but the meat it was on tasted like it´d been in the deep freeze for ever.

We tried to order dessert, but for some reason the waiter, after asking if we wanted pudding, left the table without waiting for orders and didn´t come back. The only explanation we could think of was that he´d learnt, parrot fashion, the necessary phrases and didn´t actually know what they meant.

It was at this point I decided to visit the facilities, which are basic and slightly chipped. While in the inner sanctum I discovered that if some joker switches the light off at the switch in the corridor, there aren´t any switches inside to switch it back on. Which means you´re left groping around in the pitch black. Oh, and there isn´t a handle on the inside of the main door, so you have to feel around for the hole in the door and drag it open with your finger. Great fun, wandering about in the black in a somewhat chipped toilet.

Returning to the table, I decided to give up on the dessert ordering plan and go straight to coffee. Doing a Michael Winner style wave with my napkin, I eventually attracted the attention of the waiter, who informed me that the coffee machine was broken. Well, at least he was honest about it and didn´t try to heat some up in the microwave.

We ordered the bill, and, somewhat bizarrely, instead of the usual couple of sweets with the bill, received a little metal bowl full of sticky and stuck together ´hundreds ´n´ thousands´. With a spoon.

I paid for the bill in my usual manner (without demur), and we left. It was only on the way out that the l.b. (who has a mortgage and therefore is closer to the realities of fiscal planning) pointed out that the bill was some 77&eur; – and the only drink we´d had was a single beer. That works out to be considerably more expensive than somewhere like Loma Blanca, considering that most of the food went back to the kitchen.

They do have a takeaway service, but frankly I´d rather not. If they got a decent cook in there it could be quite a nice restaurant, but at the moment it´s a disaster. Oh, and I was awake most of the night, aware of an unpleasant rumbling from the stomach area – not something I normally suffer from! I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

Original comments copied from original website>

()said (11:51:12 @ ‘28-Jun-07):

The below, which I’ve only just spotted, is a communique from the supposed lawyers of the Bollywood Restaurant informing me of their intention to sue me if I don’t take this posting down. Given that I stand by my comments, I don’t intend to remove this article. However, I would be interested to see what other readers of this blog think. Post a comment! Possibly the owners of this restaurant may want to invest their time and money in public relations, restaurant maintenance and staff training rather than legal threats. I would also like to point out that this article, as it states on the tagline, dates from the 11th of Feb, 2007, and that I am not aware, nor have I commented upon, the current (June 2007) state of the restaurant. I would also like to point out that the above is only a posting on my blog, and that I cannot vouch for its veracity. If somebody associated with the restaurant contacts me, and asks me to remove the previous comment, then I will.

Pedro Molina (molinasolicitors@molinasolicitors.com)said (10:27:41 @ ‘22-Jun-07):

A la atención de David Jackson Mojacar, a 21de junio de 2007. Muy señores míos: Les remito la presente comunicación en nombre y representación de mi cliente, el señor Harinder Pal Sing, el cual regenta un comercio de Restauración denominado BOLLYWOOD, en la ciudad de Mojacar, en relación a la publicación en su pagina Web, en fecha 11 de febrero de 2007, concretamente en la sección David Jackson talks about Almeria and it´s people, Restaurant Reviews, debido a que entendemos que atenta contra el derecho al prestigio profesional, que aparece protegido en el articulo 7.7, en relación con el articulo 2, de la Ley Orgánica 1/1982, como una de las vertientes de la protección del derecho al honor. La afirmaciones vertidas en dicha sección, están vacías de todo contenido veraz y suponen directas acusaciones no declaradas delictivas, pero si muy próximas, y en todo caso vejatorias, dirigidas a destruir el honor profesional de personas conocidas en dicho ámbito profesional. En su calidad de editor, viene obligado a enjuiciar la veracidad de las informaciones, información veraz que implica información comprobada según los cánones de la profesionalidad, excluyendo invenciones rumores y meras insidias. Esta obligación es de mayor diligencia, si cabe, debido a que la referida carta no se encuentra perfectamente identificada la persona que la suscribe, únicamente aparece firmada por David Jackson. La Sentencia del Tribunal Supremo de 19 de julio de 2004, condena expresamente al editor de una publicación por estos hechos, como una forma de impedir ficticios espacios inmunes a vulneraciones al honor. En consecuencia, y en virtud de los establecido en el articulo 1 y 2 de la Ley Orgánica 2/1984, Reguladora del Derecho de Rectificación, les requiero, para que rectifique la información contenida en dicha carta, por incluir informaciones no veraces. Esta rectificación se ha de producir en la misma sección y con la misma amplitud que la publicación emitida. Igualmente les requiero para que eliminen la referida información en el improrrogable plazo de 24 horas desde la recepción de la presente comunicación. Si no procede conforme a lo solicitado, acudiremos a los Tribunales de Justicia para iniciar un Incidente de Rectificación, amen de reclamar la indemnización de daños y perjuicios que tengamos por convenientes. Sin otro particular, se despide atentamente Pedro Molina López Colegiado nº 1156 Ilustre Colegio de Abogados de Elche