Loma Blanca

Loma Blanca was always a restaurant that I enjoyed. On the Los Gallardos – Garrucha road, the big old Cortijo just under the high power electric lines, it did traditional Spanish dishes cooked with olive wood and meat imported specially from Galicia. You can read my previous review here.

Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I just didn’t go there enough, or didn’t push it to my vast array of loyal readers.

It was with alarm that a couple of weeks ago I spotted a large “Under Renovation” sign on the gates. I kept an eye on it after that. And then tonight… I spotted two large searchlights coming from the gardens. Illegal, but hey.

So, on my way home, I swung by. It was around 7.20ish. Lots of lights, it looked the same, even the large signs outside saying “Restaurant, Cafe, Disco, Bar”. The large (very large) African in a suit at the door waved me in. Another (very large) African in a suit showed me where to park and shone a torch to the steps to illuminate my way. Lovely fellas.

At the main doors, there were a further 4 (very large) Africans in suits. One of them looked like a brick wall wrapped in a suit. Very friendly and swung the door open for me. In I went, curious now.

They’ve gone and turned it into a disco. I thought.

The lovely large room where we used to eat is now a large, plush bar with just a few bar stools, the lovely old looking walls covered with curtains. A few more (very large) Africans in suits looking after the place, and four local Spanish chaps in suits and bowties behind the bar. An elderly maitre’d swanning around. A few punters in suits talking and drinking.

I asked for a beer. Sipping it, and looking around, I noticed that I was the only one not in a suit, or at least smartly dressed. (Shirt and trousers). I also noticed there weren’t very many seats, chairs or tables around. The waiter informed me that since tonight was the big opening, the first beer was free. Peanuts included. I then noticed the (free) glasses of Cava dotted around. I had one.

It was now 7,30, I’d been there for about 6 minutes. Some music started, the curtain swished aside, a girl (topless) dancing on a pole I hadn’t spotted in the corner.

So I beckoned the waiter over, and asked him if they planned on reopening the restaurant. He smiled, and replied “No senor, es ahora un Club para Caballeros“.

I made my excuses and left before one of the penthouse girls dressed in rabbit suits who had just come in asked me upstairs. Not a disco then. Not quite a truckers stop…. but not a place to visit with your Significant Other. If you get my drift. A shame. I just hope they offered the girls on the Garrucha – Vera job road a job, it’s too cold for them to be standing around outside this time of year.

Note: They now have a sign outside calling it the “Eros Centre Fuego Vivo“, rather tacky looking with a girl against a fire.