Orsoca

Updated 4th August 2008: It’s reopened! Find out what I think about Orsoca Turre here.

Updated 13th April 2008: Upon my return from the UK, I notice that the Orsoca seems to have closed! Can’t say I’ll miss it’s current incarnation. What will it be next?

Restaurante Orsoca

Many years ago, this was a family run restaurant, under the watchful eye of Maria, the matriarch who, clad in black, presided over the control of the tables while her husband, brother in law and sister produced some of the best food around.

It was for many years my families favourite restaurant, producing only top quality food in a great setting. I still remember when the family, one Christmas, won several million pesetas on the El Gordo lottery and brought us all the meal!

Shortly after this windfall, both families took early retirement and passed the bar onto one of their sons. He didn´t do too well, and after a year the parents, having tired of retirement, took it back. Back came the quality, and back flocked the Jacksons.

Until around 18 months ago, a Spanish chappie who had lived in London for years brought it. A strange mix ensued, as he tried to take it upmarket without quite hitting the mark. More indifferent then exciting. His wife still runs the pizzeria in front (Tito Pacos).

As from the beginning of this year, it was taken over by some new people, who started off with a bang and a huge paella out front. A party notable mainly for the paucity of the drinks and the fact that a large German woman knocked my mother over.

Therefore it was with some interest that we ventured back one Wednesday evening.

Upon first entering the restaurant, not much seemed to have changed. The main restaurant is (ugh) smoking, although there is a large separate room, which is for the non smokers.

Now, there are many ways that a pregnant lady can look dignified, even attractive, while expecting, but resolutely sticking to a shirt that was too small to begin with is not one of them. Flesh protruding everywhere. Not attractive in a waitress, even when she is the wife of the owner.

We poured over the menu, and ordered a selection of starters, and three main courses. The menu doesn´t seem to be any different from the old Orsoca – did they find them in a cupboard and blew off the dust?

The starters arrived, and at first seemed promising. The Morcilla a la flamb&ecute; was quite nice, although it had gone out by the time it reached us.

As we were sitting all alone in a big empty room, we had to wait for a bit to get the attention of the waitress, who seemed to have forgotten us. However, she eventually spotted my Michael Winner napkin wave and cleared the plates.

She brought us two main courses (fortunately mine was one of them, lamb chops), dropped them on the table with a smile and happily left. Sadly, she forgot to bring the third main course. Nor were we able to get her attention again until we had almost finished the chops.
For some reason, being informed that she had forgotten to bring us a main course seemed to amuse her greatly. In between giggles she told us that she´d given the fish to someone else. This, as you can imagine, annoyed us somewhat. She ask if we still wanted it, but as we pointed out, since we had been unable to get her attention we´d finished the chops, and weren´t in a mood to wait another 20 mins.

The chops weren´t that good, either; some incredibly soggy and sickly broccoli, mushy veg and somewhat greasy chops.

We just ordered coffee and the bill. When the coffee appeared the waitress asked if we wanted a bottle of cava to compensate us for the missing meal  she seemed unaware of the fact that I never drink cheap Cava, and knew just how much that bottle would have cost them (E2.99)! We rejected the bottle, but told her that the boss could pay for the coffee and brandy if he wanted to. He didn´t.

The waitress then seemed to decide that we were too much trouble for her, and passed control of our table over to a rather dim English waiter. He brought us the bill, which, when we looked at it, seemed to have overcharged us by about 30E.

We queried this, and the bill returned to the bar, where the boss, waiter, waitress and a chef all poured over it for a few minutes. Eventually they decided that the bill was correct, but the totals in the total column were wrong. We thought this moronic, and said so. This for some reason did not go down well.

To cut a long story short, the Jackson clan is now barred for life from the Orsoca in it´s current conception. Not that I´m too worried, it´ll probably change hands before I´m hungry again.

On a side note, I spotted that a certain member of staff in the kitchen is a moronic ex dealer who we had to fire years ago. Just a heads up!

(PS: Friends have recently visited, and said that rarely have they ever had worse food in there lives.)

Original comments copied from original website:

es una pena que en la publicidad que hace la junta de andalucia sobre turismo,integre este restaurante en el grupo de los aconsejados

muy mal servicio,malisima comida y caro para la calidad que dan.Nunca volvere y si ustedes van,nunca volveran.